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Saturday, July 24th, 2004
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3:42 pm - Life
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Hmmm....want an update of the last 3 months or so since I quit writing much? Nah, I didn't think so, though it certainly has been eventful. It doesn't seem eventful in a tangible way - though there is certainly some of that - a new job begun, laurie found a house to move to next month, continued progress on my own new house, etc, etc.
Much of the last three months have felt like an ongoing effort to get my emotional feet under me again. I think it's interesting that my capacity for writing seems to have disappeared within a week or so of the time laurie moved back into this house, and now, as it comes down to weeks until she moves into her new place, I start to feel like writing again. I've spent these months as a guest in my own house, and not a welcome one, sleeping on the couch and feeling weirdly out of place.
I think that's where the writing went, actually....at least this piece, the piece that I share with people. I've been writing a ton in other places. I have felt so out of place in my own home, among my neighbors, among the circle of friends that laurie and I shared....I really didn't know what to say, and when that happens I tend to shut the hell up. I'd like to think that's better than just opening one's mouth and letting it run, but who's to say?
There have been things to hold on to, not only through these past three months but going back further. My children, of course. MCB - though that's another emotionally loaded story, one that will likely never come to light here. The new job has helped a great deal, more than I would have imagined. A new circle of people, albeit not one I would put together on my own, who know only that I'm separated from my wife, and not all the bullshit that goes with that.
I wonder what that says about me, that I am more comfortable right now among people who don't know me? I pride myself on keeping my care for other's opinions to a minimum, so what difference should it make to me who knows what, and what that makes them think? Maybe that's not really the question anyway - it isn't the opinions of those who know at least a version of what happened between laurie and I that bothers me, it's that I felt chosen against, and I expected more from people. Still, no doubt part of the problem in this case was that "shutting the hell up" thing I mentioned earlier.....I can be a bit closed off at times.
Anyway....all of THAT stuff is mostly a circular representation of things in my head, the emotional equivalent of chasing my own tail for a while. The circle comes back around now to me wanting to write again. To share some things with whoever might be interested.
The more interesting, non-snivelly side of my life, which is a lot of what drove this journal (and the previous one) for so long, has shown stubborn signs of a pulse recently..hehe. I may still have a few things to say after all ;)
Soon, J~
current mood: Interested
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| Sunday, July 18th, 2004
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7:51 am - Awake
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::rubbing sleep from my eyes::
Perhaps not quite as long as Rumpelstiltskin, but it feels as though I've been asleep for a while.
Quite some time ago I wrote that this journal was one of the faces I wore....a public face, and one in which I was very aware I had an audience. It seemed like writing for that audience became pointless for a while. Of the people I knew for sure read the journal, I lost many as a result of my separation from laurie. Whether that was due to my own sense of isolation or everyone else's outrage with me I'm not entirely sure....most likely some of both.
At any rate...I've been getting the urge to write again...more just because I want to than FOR anyone. I suppose that's a good thing. Much has changed that makes it harder to write. My business partner and I split, and I wasn't immediately able to find another, which has forced me to go back amongst the ranks of the gainfully employed. One of the problems of being highly educated is that when you get jobs commensurate with that education, with commensurate pay, they actually expect you to work a lot. It's an interesting job, as jobs go, but it's taking a lot of my time....no more being online all day, writing entries whenever the mood strikes me.
I'll not go on forever just now. Just wanted to get something in the way of an entry in. I'm about to head out of town for a few days, so won't be back in for at least that long, but we'll have to see if this urge to get back to the journal sticks.
More soon~
current mood: calm
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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7:48 am - Still Alive
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Hey all....contrary to the appearance created by my extended absence here, I have not dropped off the face of the earth...have just been wildly busy and occupied with other things. Have been shopping for a new business partner, and that is going quite well....I am close to finalizing a deal with someone that will give me more control, a larger ownership share and more freedom overall, while at the same time working with someone who has deeper pockets. This could be an excellent change for me.
Much MUCH work being done over at the new house. The Health Department is crawling up my ass about the place, mostly because of its exterior appearance, so I've shifted my focus from the interior to the exterior for now...the new roof is on, I've started scraping in preparation for painting, and have done a lot of basic landscaping - taking down old and/or overgrown trees, chopping back ivy run rampant, etc, etc. I'll get some "in progress" shots up here soon, but for now I'm going to post a few more interior shots, which will give you an idea how bass-ackwards our Health Department can be for focusing on the exterior when the interior looks like this...lol.
( Central Room - 3 picsCollapse )
current mood: Decent
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| Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
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6:36 am - Party!
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Not that I need all that much excuse to party, but I've been trying to figure out a way to have some sort of "housewarming" at the new place, even though it's still uninhabitable. Quite a few people have been saying they want to see it anyway, and I was thinking about how to do this, then I was suddenly inspried by the tales my contractors keep telling about the people drinking in my outbuilding......we'll have a Wino Party!!!
We can all drink Boone's and MD 20/20 wine, we'll build a firepit and have a contest for catching the most stray cats and then we'll make....ummm...hamburger-dandelion stew, cooked in old coffee cans. It'll be sweet....lol.
Seriously though, if we get a decent day, I could drag a grill over there and have a little get together. Hang out on my ramshackle deck and let everyone wander through my nightmare. I could probably even hi-jack an extension cord from a neighbor so we'd have music and such...plenty of room for a firepit. Yeah, this has possibilities. I'll keep ya posted.
current mood: Interested
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| Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
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8:26 am - More House
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Ok, it's the moment I'm sure NONE of you have been waiting for...lol...time to see the inside of the new death trap.
I'm going to start as if you were walking in the front door and take you through.
( 4 picsCollapse )
current mood: More awake
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8:06 am - Happy Birthday!!
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Yesterday was my daughter Dany's first birthday *s*
She was a little under the weather, so we just did a small dinner at home, but she got lots of new clothes, and a little pink and white walk-behind or ride and push princess car, complete with detachable plastic cell phone.
She was excited, but let me ask ya - what the HELL has our society come to when the accessory of choice for a baby toy is a freakin cell phone?? Hmmm? I ask you?
Anyway - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETS!
current mood: Half-awake
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| Monday, May 3rd, 2004
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4:54 pm - Spoke Too Soon
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And I thought my week was odd as of last Thursday...sheesh. I wasn't expecting the kids back until Sunday, Saturday night at the earliest, but Laurie calls at 11 am on Thursday saying they are back in town and will be at the house by about 1 pm. Oh, and by the way, she's moving back in.
To be fair, we had discussed her moving back in before, sometime after she returned from Florida. It was just a bit of a shock when I didn't even expect the kids back for another couple of days, let alone her too. Understand this is not a reconciliation for us, just kind of a transition phase. I've been primarily responsible for the children for the last three months or so, and she has been staying elsewhere that whole time. This phase of us living together again is just a chance for her to get used to being around the kids again full time, see how she copes with that, etc.
Of course, it's also hellah awkward for both of us. In the space of a couple hours notice I went from single dad living in my own house to something close to the awkward roommate who everyone wishes would just move out...lol. Unfortunately, I can't do that, even though I technically have a new house to go to (though it's not truly livable yet). We really both need to be here during this stage while Laurie gets used to things again, gets back up to speed, whatever you want to call it. Anyway, it's just weird.
Same day, late afternoon, I have a meeting with my business partner, who provides most of the money for the real estate my company buys, and he tells me the stress of investing in real estate is killing him, and he's not sure he can go on because he's now $40,000 in debt vs. when we started out. The fact that we have accumulated nearly ONE MILLION dollars in holdings during that time does not seem to balance this out for him, which is absolutely beyond my comprehension. Sure, we have debt on those holdings too, but it's about $750,000 in debt secured by the one million in property, and the properties produce income that more than pays for the mortgages, upkeep, repairs, etc. WTF?
So anyway, my time since Thursday has been, as one might imagine, fuckin stressful. Is my business going under, do I need a new partner, blah, blah, blah. No answers yet. All this while trying to figure out a very difficult transition with Laurie and the kids.
Oh, and I was sick with some nasty flu over the weekend, so that was a nice touch too...lol.
And there ya go...that brings to a close my VERY odd week. Anyone wanna buy me tequila shots?? Please?
current mood: Shitty
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| Thursday, April 29th, 2004
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8:41 am - Odd Week
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It's been sort of a strange week so far. Kids have been in Florida, so I've had the place to myself, and though I've done something most every night since last Thursday, somehow it doesn't FEEL like I have, if that makes any sense? Probably not...lol.
Tuesday night was actually pretty interesting. Though Akron has come a long way as far as things to do, Tuesday is not really gonna be a big party night at most places around town. However, we have this VERY cheesy bar in town called Fat Tuesday's, and my buddy had heard they were actually pretty hopping on Tuesdays, so we decided to take a look. It was beyond cheesy, and as we sat there in a relatively empty bar at 10:30 or so, drinking a beer and listening to them play Justin Timberlake, Brittany Spears and Christina Aquilera in succession, and seemingly over and over again, I was starting to think this place might be a lot like my version of hell.
We hung on for a while though, primarily for two reasons - 1) a cute bartender who went about 95 lbs, with a waist I could put my two hands around and tits the size of cantaloupes...lol; and 2) Paul was trying to figure out where he knew this attractive blue-haired goth girl from, and why she was hanging around with a huge group of sorority looking girls. Both mysteries were solved when she finally came over and said hello, recognizing my friend as one of her tenth grade teachers. She tells us she was there with a bunch of friends from work, one of whom was having a 21st birthday party, and that she's divorced, with an 11 year old, 13 animals at home of different sorts, and that she loves to go fishing....lol. We learned two things from this - actually the first things is just a reinforcement of the idea you should never judge a book by it's cover, and two, we are WAY too fucking old to be hanging out in what is primarily a college bar...lol.
By this time though, the music had improved to at least a less poppy stream of hip hop, and the place was getting packed - like, can barely move, raise the temperature 15 degrees packed, which is not at all a bad thing when college girls dress for that. In short, ended up having a pretty good time, and it's nice to know there is a crowd to be found somewhere if desired on a Tuesday night...even if it is a little cheesy.
current mood: working
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8:23 am - House
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| Sunday, April 25th, 2004
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8:21 pm - Yet More House
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Spent most of the day today working at the new house. Took down a lot of the wood trim in the foyer and living room, knocked the plaster out of most of one wall, then busted out the chainsaw to start chopping up half a downed maple in the backyard. Was a pretty tricksy operation....the tree was eaten/rotted from within, and about the top 20 feet or so just broke off and fell into the yard. It didn't fall flat though, sort of on it's head, so the main trunk was sticking straight up into the air, supported by all the smaller branches. I had to very carefully assess the balance points and start taking out the support branches, but the only way to do that was to actually be right in the middle of everything. If I'd guessed wrong and the thing had started falling toward me I'd have been totally screwed...big hunk of tree falling my way, running chainsaw in my hands....yeah, I'd have ended up in one of those Darwin's Evolution at Work type lists...lol. Anyway, I obviously survived the experience, and am going to end up with a nice huge pile of maple firewood.
Had a couple of the previous owners over there this morning to pick up some things and they were telling me more history of the house, and are going to try to dig up some old pictures of it. They also were pointing out different things on the grounds. I have a 20 foot tall and 25 foot wide rhododendron, which they say is 60-80 years old. I have an olive tree and a peach tree. I also have some fig trees, which look completely dead to me, but which they assured me will still produce fruit. There are a number of gorgeous dogwoods, a beautiful Japanese maple, plenty of other maples and different varieties of evergreens, and a bunch more stuff I can't even identify yet.
( Backyard ShotsCollapse )
current mood: Pleasantly Tired
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| Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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10:51 am - More House Stuff
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These are some views of the west side of the house, and the side yard on the west. Lots of trees, and no major plans in this area, but you'll get an idea how heavily treed the lot is.
( West Views (3 pics)Collapse )
current mood: Slightly Ill
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| Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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4:22 pm - New House
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I took a ton of "before" pictures, so I think what I'll do is just post a few at a time....probably one room at a time, or one exterior view, with descriptions of what my plans are for that area. I fully realize this will likely be WAY too much info for most of you, so feel free to skip the cuts, but I'll probably be spending a good bit of the next couple of years working on this stuff, so you'll probably be hearing about it a lot...lol. Any of you design minded folks out there, PLEASE feel free to offer comments and suggestions.
( Outside Front of House (3 pics)Collapse )
current mood: Good
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10:33 am - Kids are Odd
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So my otherwise extremely bright son is kneeling on the couch, rocking back and forth in an autistic sort of way and smashing his face into the backrest cushion. This is all well and good, but the couch also has a hard back on which the cushion rests, and if he happens to miss that cushion he's going to mash his face on it. I put out my hand and interrupt his downward rock with my hand, and at first he thinks this is funny and keeps rocking and pushing his face into my hand. Then he tires of that and keeps trying to push my hand out of the way. I explain to him that he's going to end up hurting his face, and he very earnestly explains back that he won't. We go through this a few times, me catching his face in my hand, and him pushing me away and saying "Don't DO that, Daddy." Finally I say, "Ok, it's your face," and pull my hand away. SMACK - right into the back of the couch with his little face.
Told ya so.
current mood: Perversely amused
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| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
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8:18 am - And finally
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Finally for today anyway (I think) - I actually started working on my new house yesterday...woohoo! I got possession last week, but so far the only thing that had gotten started was the tear-off of the roof, which my rehab crew is doing. I had been avoiding starting on my first task, which is tearing out nearly every plaster wall in the whole house, because there has been a lot of water damage and I need to make sure I don't end up with a mold issue. I was holding off because I had to get an electrical inspection yesterday afternoon before they would turn electrical service back on to the house, and of course the house totally failed. They won't even turn the service ON until I have the whole place re-wired.....it's all THAT old and unsafe. I had planned to do that anyway, but slowly over time, doing the work myself. Now I'm going to have to hire someone to do it, and quick, because everything else is going to be held up until I can get electrical service. How annoying.
Sooooo....I spent a couple of hours yesterday afternoon starting on the plaster tear-out. My plan is to remove nearly every interior wall in the place, for a bunch of reasons. Water damage, as I mentioned, but also because it will make it easier to re-wire, re-plumb, run data cable, new ductwork, and move some walls around, all of which are part of my plan for the house.
Anyway, enough about my remodeling for now. I'll post some "before" pics here pretty soon....you are all going to think I'm crazy for taking this place on, but trust me.....huge potential....HUGE *s*
current mood: Optimistic
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7:55 am - Slowly catching up
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Hmmm, I think I'm getting there on catching up the big stuff. This past weekend was pretty quiet, actually. I elected to take a pass on going to Organ Grinder's in Cleveland on Friday night. Just wasn't in the mood, and had other things I wanted to do over the weekend that I didn't want to be hungover for. I also had the kids this weekend since laurie was in the OG show and thought she'd be worn out most of the weekend. Went out Friday night for dinner at Two Amigos and a few drinks with MCB, but was home by 1 am or so. Lots of family stuff for the rest of the weekend....playing outside on what was FINALLY a really gorgeous spring weekend. Man, I've SO needed some nice days like that....the lingering winter was killing me.
Spent a lot of time on Sunday hauling the munchkins around in their giant Radio Flyer wagon, with the big offroad inflatable tires. We get SO many looks when we take walks with this thing....you'd think we invented the wagon or something...lol. It is cute though....I put a blanket in the bottom, and pillows at both ends, so the kids can sit facing each other, relaxed back into these pillows and watching the scenery roll by.
Was a nice, relaxing family weekend. Maybe I'm subconciously storing both family time and energy in anticipation of them all being in Florida for a week next week. I'll miss them terribly, and will also probably drive myself into the ground with going out and such...lol.
current mood: hungry
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7:41 am - Two Weekends Behind Update
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Ok, so I'm so far behind as to make even updating irrelevant....lol. But still, wanted to say I had a great time at this event - the Interbelt was PACKED, and I was actually one of only a few people who went against the grain and wore all black to the White Party, so I stood out like a sore thumb. Unfortunately, I had chosen black leather and crushed velvet and the club was about 7000 degrees with all the people in it. Eveyone was dancing around and sweaty as hell anyway, though, so before long that just kind of became the point and I didn't really care that I was dripping for much of the night. That's really it for the update, except to say that MCB looked RIDICULOUS hot in a very tiny white outfit...hehe. Our friend Stephanie was there with a new girlfriend, who got very huffy at all the attention Stephanie was paying to MCB....she actually said to me "your girl isn't supposed to take MY girl"...lol. She eventually stormed out. Sheesh, sorry, we were all just dancing.
That is all~
current mood: Remembering
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| Sunday, April 18th, 2004
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8:41 am - More Food
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8:13 am - Seriously Delinquent
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Wow, seems like freakin forever since I've had a moment to sit down and do an update. So long that I actually have all these little notes and such about things I want to say. My entries are usually so long anyway that I'm probably just going to do a bunch of small posts in a short time...hopefully even today.
First one goes all the way back to Easter dinner. Laurie had taken the kids to her family's cottage in NY for the weekend, so I'd had the whole weekend to myself. She brought the kids back about 10:30 in the morning and we did the whole Easter basket/egg hunt thing - the kids were excited. We went non-traditional for food (big surprise there), deciding to do steaks on the grill instead of ham and all that stuff.
Tristan was helping me cut up vegetables with one of his little blunt knives, and he was working on some mushrooms. He took a few and cut off the stems, then pushed the tops over toward me, saying "I'm cutting off the rooms, Daddy, because I only like the mush."
That doesn't look all that funny when I see it in writing, but I was laughing my ass off at the time....lol. 'Course, that could have been because I was out all night at the Interbelt's White Party, and was still operating on little sleep and a bit drunk and/or tripping...lol.
Anyway, that's update number one. More coming.
current mood: hungry
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| Saturday, April 10th, 2004
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6:15 pm - Sleepless
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Two straight nights of getting in early (that means 3 a.m.), but tonight is apt to be an all nighter. The White Party at the Interbelt night club, which I'd never heard of before this year, but which is apparently a big deal around here. Lots of elaborate costumes, mostly white (hence the party's name....see how that ties together?? lol). I'm feeling a bit contrary today though, so I'm wearing all black. If nothing else I should be easy to find in the crowd....lol. Anyway, definitely looking forward to the night...looks like it's going to be a big crew - studio3dom, yummy, jerkface02, madcharitybonny, Dax, Lady Val and myself that I know of so far. The club is staying open til 6 a.m., so here's hoping tomorrow's easter egg hunt is a quiet one...lol
current mood: Good
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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4:21 pm - Low Key Weekend
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It really was surprisingly low key, considering I did something both Friday and Saturday nights. Hung with friends, had a few drinks and chatted Friday night, but got home pretty early...before 2 anyway. I was really tired this past week, I think from fighting off a cold or something the kids just got over. That happens to me quite a bit, I think - I don't actually get sick, but my body gets run down from fighting off whatever it was. That or I just drink too much...lol.
Was still pretty tired and feeling lazy on Saturday. Worked part of the day, then did a lot of reading and napping. Dax and Jeff ( studio3dom ) were going out, and I was planning on going with them, but they weren't starting 'til 11:30 and by 10 or so I was just feeling wiped out. I actually went to bed and fell asleep, not even having showered or shaved or anything. Nonetheless, my phone rings at 11:20...."we're leaving now, c'mon". "Nah, I don't think I'm coming out, I'm tired, not feeling very well." They started threatening to come to my house instead of the bar if I didn't get my ass up, so with a little more arm twisting they managed to convince me to get moving. I guess the nap from 10 to 11:20 did me good, because I actually felt a lot better. Managed to shower, shave, get dressed, go to the bank and drive to the bar in about 35 minutes. Was a pretty quiet night, just had a few beers, one shot, danced a bit and hung out. Home again by 2:30, but was good to get out and see some folks.
In other news, it looks like I will FINALLY get possession of my new house this week and can begin the LOOOOOONG process of restoring it. This place has a ton of potential, but it's not even liveable as it sits right now. I'll put up some before pictures here as soon as I officially get possession.
Guess that's about it for news...like I said, pretty low key.
Later~
current mood: Good
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